10. Wish you could have alcohol on line.
9. Sleep and dream of a 4.0 GPA.
8. Remember the days when you could have alcohol on line.
7. Pretend to be sleeping and think of the 2.0 GPA you really
have.
6. Try to make a deal with President Schmitt so you can have alcohol
on line.
5. Watch the freshman girls go by and estimate how much of the
"Freshman Fifteen" they've gained.
4. Try to make a deal with the devil so you can have alcohol on
line.
3. Watch fire engines go by and consider: "If I were in the
Pub right now, I could get a Killian's for $1.
2. Imagine doing away with all the prohibitionists on campus so
you can have alcohol on line.
1. Listen to the mindless dribble of those Pathetic Elitist
Zeroes
Note: This is the original version submitted to the Polytechnic. #1 was changed for publication.