23rd Psalm to an Engineer's Love
The Polytechnic (January 16, 1952)
Verily, I say unto ye, marry not an engineer.
For an' engineer is a strange being and possessed of many evils.
Lea, he speaketh eternally in parables, which he calleth formulae,
And he wieldeth a big stick he calleth a slide rule.
And he hath only one bible, a hand book.
He thinketh only of stresses and strains, and without end of thermodynamics.
He knoweth not a waterfall except by its horsepower,
nor a sunset except that he must turn on the lighats,
nor a damsel except by her live weight.
Verily, though she expecteth chocolates when he calleth,
she openeth the package to disclose samples of iron ore.
Yea, he holdeth her hands only to know the friction thereof.
And he kisseth her only to test the viscosity of her lips.
When his damsel writeth of love and signeth with crosses,
he taketh these symbols not for kisses,
but rather for unknown quantities.
Even as a boy he pulleth a girl's hair but to test the elasticity.
But as a man he discovereth different devices;
for he counteth the vibrations of her heartstrings;
And his marriage is a simultaneous equations involving two unknowns and yielding diverse results.
Verily I say unto ye, marry not an engineer.
