Alternate Nicknames for RPI

This is from a post I sent to Hockey-L, the college hockey discussion list, on December 8, 1994, suggesting alternate nicknames to the "Engineers" when the school had just solicited suggestions for a new nickname. The nickname wasn't changed, but a mascot, the Red Hawk, was adopted.

Tradition and History

Dutchmen
Stephen van Rensselaer was of Dutch extraction. Oops, that name is taken.

Patroons
Rensselaer is on the site of the old Rensselaer patroonship, purchase by Kiliaen van Rensselaer in 1629. But this is the name of the old Albany basketball team in the CBA, so no good.

Vanderheydens
The van der Heyden family took over the patroonship in 1707, but this seems to unwieldy. And stupid.

Uncle Sams
Samuel Wilson, who lived and was buried in Troy, was Uncle Sam. Too stupid. Great mascot, though, and if the US gets into another war, the school's visibility will skyrocket from the recruitment posters.

Jailbirds
Amos Eaton, a lawyer who helped Stephen van Rensselaer found the school, did five years for fraud. I like it. Could use the "Get out of Jail Free" picture from the game Monopoly as the mascot. That old guy is great!

Firemen
Fires in 1862 and 1904 were the impetus for moving the campus up the hill from downtown. Oops, another occupation.

Everreadies
After Johnny Evers, the greatest sports star produced in Troy. The mascot is a giant battery. Talk about huge visibility, those ads are on TV all the time!

Drunks
You have to go here to truly understand this one. Mascot is Dean Martin.

Sutters
After old man Sutter, who owns the bar downtown that is frequented by many members of those same sports teams we're trying to rename. Mascot is Dean Martin.

Undersexed
Male teams only. A 4-to-1 male-to-female ratio. Mascot is the team itself.

Oversexed
Female teams only. A 4-to-1 male-to-female ratio. Mascot is Madonna.

Geographic Location

Winders
The wind blows all the time, and always in your face, regardless of the direction you are walking. Mascot is a huge ceiling fan.

Second Fiddlers
No matter what Troy does, it's always second best to Albany. No matter what RPI hockey does, Siena basketball gets more press. Perfect. Mascot is a fiddler, who walks around the stands all game long playing the fight song. The over/under on him getting pummeled is 5 minutes.

Highlanders
School is located on the top of the hill in Troy. Of course, this was the New York Yankees name before they became the Yankees, and originally derived from a Scottish regiment from the highlands. Mascot is Montgomery Scott, Chief Engineer of the Starship Enterprise.

Troylets
A derogatory nickname for native Trojans, especially those underage. Problem is, this may ruin a number of romantic relationships. Mascot is a high-school student with a D+ average.

Trojans
Actual name for people who live in Troy. Mascot, of course, is a huge condom. This satisfies the right-to-lifers, AIDS activists and medical professionals. Just don't expect the Pope to pay a visit.

Academic Mission or Nature

Engineers
Sorry.

Physicists
Has my vote. Mascot is Albert Einstein.

Fighting Calculators
Who can compute the square root of 1,526,358,256 the fastest? Mascot is a calculator, HP of course.

'Tute Screwed
After the 'Tute Screw, a device peculiar to RPI. No matter which way you turn it, it goes in. Mascot is obvious.

And finally, my favorite pick:

Carpetbaggers
Sure, it denoted Northerners going to the South after the Civil War to make a fortune, but could describe students coming to RPI for the sole purpose of getting a degree so they can make gobs of money. It's a stretch, but no other school has it, to my knowledge. Cheap, too. Just get someone to hold a carpetbag, and you've got a mascot.